her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
