im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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