Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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