i don't like sucking hair
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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