I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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