sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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