And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
