i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
