the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
