i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
