I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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