Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
