Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
