He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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