so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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