The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
