Yo dont text me then not text me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
