After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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