now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
