My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
