I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
