got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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