I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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