I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
