Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
