Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
