Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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