Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You smell like stripper and shame
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
