Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sponge bath it is.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
