Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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