I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
