I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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