This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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