Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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