Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
