totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Drunk is not a location!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
