i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
