The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
