He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
