Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
