i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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