dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
