Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
