Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
