Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
