If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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