I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
