I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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