I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
