i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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