He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Randomize
