okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
