dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
