i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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