I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
