i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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