Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
