am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
