Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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