By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
