College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
