im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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