Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize