i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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