i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
